Tuesday, April 16th

We tried to go to Salt Spring Island this past Saturday. My photo group was going for the morning market and I hadn't been in a couple years, and I thought it would be a good day trip for the family. So Andrew worked the evening on my flex day so he could sleep from 1am-7am and then we got up for the 9am ferry on the Saturday. I already wasn't feeling great in the morning, but I felt like it was just from getting up early (after not going to bed early enough) and not eating something right away. So on we went.
The kids were a little bit whiney but not too bad. Andrew was a bit cranky from the week of minimal sleep. And I was hurting. The kids wanted McDonalds or Starbucks but we were running pretty tight on time for making the 9am ferry so I said no. The ferry is a small one, no services, no food, but only 35 mins. Plus a 20min drive to the upper island where the market is. We met my photo group almost immediately and began checking out the market and taking pictures at 10am. The photo group agreed to meet up for lunch at noon. This felt like forever away to me. I was feeling sore and uncomfortable and hungry. Plus it was cold and drizzling rain a little bit and we have nowhere indoors to sit and rest.  Even the restaurant the photo group had chosen looked super busy and like my family of six wouldn't fit, let alone the other six in the group. After an hour I was done. I was spiralling because I felt like I just wanted to be at home in bed and I had dragged Andrew and all the kids out here for this "fun day trip" that I was about to bail on. We tried buying food at Thriftys and some snacks from the market, but ultimately I decided to go for the 11:50am return ferry because I just couldn't wait for the next one at 1:50pm. I hid my tears the whole way home but I cried all afternoon and into the evening about ruining everyone's day and bailing on my group without saying goodbye and how if I can't cope with Salt Spring, how was I ever going to cope with DisneyWorld or Paris?
(also - I have rebooked the Paris hotel for November 2019, when Kyle will be there for business in case anything happens with me, but I haven't yet booked the airfare, I'm waiting for answers or an entire month without issues)
Sunday and Monday were better. I did my usual things, I was off work both days. I took the kids to their activities and school and took photos and edited photos, and felt more myself. I had diarrhea both mornings but otherwise, everything was pretty normal.

But today, oh today. I woke up a bit sore, but also quite nauseous and tired and sad right from the outset. It reminded me of when I used to work night shifts and your body clock is so off that your emotions are all over the place and you feel physically sick from lack of sleep. I had a good night's sleep, so I don't think that's what it was, but that's what it felt like.
Did I have a bad sleep? Is it because I ate crap food the night before (homemade doughnuts and popcorn right before bed)? Is it because my menstrual cycle is ending? Is it just a random coincidence and a bad day?
All morning I wasn't sure how long I'd last. I walked to work, slowly. I tried a croissant on my break at 9am. Still not sure if that was going to help me feel better or make me feel worse. I took an Excedrin for the pain. I got through my morning meetings (ending at 11:30am) and said I was going to go home at noon. By noon I wasn't quite as bad, but still not great. So I tried eating lunch (a bento box at Azuma) and did not feel well sitting in the restaurant at all. Walked back to work so I could check my email and then go home at 1pm, but then I got distracted dealing with some things and it was almost 2pm. And I figured if I could make it another 2hrs, that'd be the workday. So I found things to do standing up that didn't make my stomach so uncomfortable and by this point, my nausea had subsided substantially so I stayed. Walking home I cried about how I never know how I will feel day-to-day and how unreliable that makes me feel and how much I hate to "flake out" like that. Still having pain while walking home let the tears flow a lot freer; it's hard to snap yourself out of a pity party when you're hurting.
I got home to no one home, remembered that Andrew had all the girls at Keida's student-led conference that I was missing and cried some more.

I'm feeling in a better mood now as I write this, and it's almost as if all of this happened a while ago rather than earlier today.

I guess the hardest part of all of this is the emotional part. I mean, it sucks to have random, sometimes significant pain that can't be relieved on a daily basis. And it really sucks when there's nausea or headaches with it as well. I honestly have no idea how people with chronic pain or those battling long term illnesses like cancer cope. This has only been six months and has been comparatively pretty mild, but I'm just crumbling.
But the worst part is in my mind. Feeling like I'm letting people down. Like I'm letting my kids down. Like I'm letting my spouse down. Like I'm letting my coworkers, my boss, and my team at work down. Like I'm putting all of my duties and obligations onto the shoulders of others. Like I am not living my life as I knew it. That I may never be able to travel again, which is such a huge part of where I thought my future would be (I had planned to go on at least one special solo travel trip with all of my kids, Keida's last fall to Paris was supposed to be the first).
It's reassuring to be able to go to work and attend the kids' activities and event and I am so grateful to be able to do that at all after experiencing not being able to last fall.
But I still, somehwat selfishly, want to do more. I hate to say it's not enough, but it's not enough. I'm terrified and filled with anxiety about even going camping at French Beach this summer. It's out of cell range and there's no electricity or hot water. What if I have anotehr Salt Spring moment while we're there? I'm trying to reassure myself that I can just go to bed in the tent if needed. But the anxiety and the fear and the pre-emptive guilt is very real.
I'm also struggling with the idea that my stressing about how I might feel day-to-day is actually making me feel worse.
I'm going to wait to talk to the OB/Gyn about the hormonal birth control pills, and see if that improves my mood as well. But honestly, if it doesn't I make take my GP up on that anti-depressant suggestion from November. On Saturday I almost reached out to a counselling service and I think I might use the one offered through my work as well. It's probably not a very promising sign if I can cry just thinking about how I'm feeling....
I think I may be dealing with depression from dealing with chronic pain. And just the thought of that makes me even more sad.

January to April

It's been a long time since I posted. Almost three months.
I'm struggling. Not in general, and not every day; If you asked me this time last week I would've been pretty positive and upbeat. But I'm in an emotional valley right now.
Summary of the last three months and elaboration of my emotional state below:


I went back to the GP a week after my January appointment because my headaches hadn't gotten any better. He basically said "well if they haven't gotten worse, that's a good sign!" and left it at that. I felt deceived. Last time he made it sound like if they hadn't gone away, there would be more investigating to do. So I left and I cried.
I've only seen him once since for my pre-op assessment for my laparoscopy (more on that below), which was hugely uneventful.

I went back to the Naturopath on Jan 30th and he said headaches can definitely be caused by or made worse by the Zaxine. He said it could be a die-off effect. He gave me some other herbs that cost a chunk of change, and a prescription for some other drug for constipation to "get things moving" but said not to fill it unless the headaches subsided as it can also cause headaches. I took the herbs but I never went back. I got the feeling he was very fixated on Sibo/IBS and bowel health and I don't really feel like that's what's happening. I've not had any kind of follow up call or check in from them so I guess it was for the best.

I saw the OB/Gyn on Jan 31st. He was GREAT. I didn't have to convince him even a little bit about my pain, he understood from the outset and was kind and reassuring and not at all dismissive. Although he did no physical exam at all, he said he had reviewed all my files from the hospital, he outlined all the usual reasons for pelvic pain and why or why not he thought that reason applied to me. He said he thought it could be endometriosis or scar tissue/adhesions. Both of which can only be diagnosed by diagnostic laparoscopy, neither show up on ultrasounds etc. So would I like to do that? I almost burst into tears of happiness. Yes! I would like any kind of option that brings me closer to answers! Bring on the surgery, let's get rollin'! So we agreed and my surgery date was settled a few days later as March 28th. I was feeling very positive about this.

Back to the headaches. Acupuncture wasn't helping the headaches. In fact, they were getting worse with a swollen/strangling feeling in the front sides of my neck sometimes. My acupuncturist suggested a massage therapist. I saw Lauren for the first time on February 27th and it was FANTASTIC. She spent almost an hour on my neck. Said my neck and scalp were super tight. She also massaged my TMJ joints including inside my mouth. She gave me some stretches to try and tips like soaking in an Epsom salt bath with my neck fully submerged or trying mustard seeds heated up on my neck. I saw her a couple times plus a chiro she recommended (Dan at Fix). The chiropractor wasn't as helpful with the headaches but did definitely improve my range of motion and loosened me up overall.
Since seeing Lauren my headaches have been much better and far less frequent, and I can usually feel the tension coming on in my neck and work on stretching and massaging and heating before it becomes an issue. I also bought a foam roller because a friend had said it helped him with knots in his neck after a car accident. Well, it does, but it really hurts the day after. And as weird as the headaches were (so different from my typical headaches) I do think now that they were/are likely tension headaches, either from the stress of this illness or stress at work, I'm not sure. But not a brain tumour. Like I was having nightmares about.

I also tried cupping form my acupuncturist and wow! I loved it so much! I'm not sure if it really did anything for my abdo/pelvic pain or for my headaches, but it felt SO good. Very similar to a massage.

I went in for my laparoscopy on March 28th. You have to fast beforehand, not a lot, like from midnight, but by noon I was so tired and hungry and my pelvis hurt and I had a killer headache. So I went into it hurting and a bit emotionally overwhelmed but hopeful that because I was having symptoms right then and there, that something would be inflamed enough to be found.
Well, nope. I came out of anesthesia with no pain, headache gone, and a handwritten note "All went well. No complications. All looks normal. No endometriosis. No scar tissue." and a date of April 18th for my follow-up appointment.
This was so disheartening. I wasn't glued to the idea that I had endometriosis, but I thought, especially being symptomatic in the waiting room, that there would be SOMETHING found. But no. So crushing. So now I still have to wait two more days to see where to go from here.
I thought "well, maybe it's just hormonal, maybe I should see about going back on oral birth control to see if that will help regulate my hormone levels and help my pain and my emotions surrounding my pain." But recently, I'm not so sure.

Cupping - March 25th 

Post-Op - March 29th 

Lap scar in belly button - Apr 9th 

Friday, January 25th

I took today off work because of how significant and dizzying my headaches were yesterday. I made an appointment to see my GP today and he said while I had no neuro or motor symptoms (no stumbling or numbness of limbs or vision problems or neck pain etc) that there were no red flags but it was odd to have a headache for that long (it’s been since Boxing Day and worse this week than any other eeek). He suggested Advil gel caps because they work faster. He wrote a requisition to check my iron and my thyroid. Both test came back with normal ranges (iron was low but not anemic). TSH was in the low range whereas two years ago it was high, so that was unexpected to me but still I guess normal range is good.
I am to come back in a week if the headache hasn’t gotten better and seek medical attention if it gets severe.
Other than Monday, I’ve only had to take one generic excedrin pill per day for it but the headache is still quite persistent and bothersome and primarily a lot of pressure around my left temple cheek/nose/sinus area; but it isn’t tender - counter pressure feels better rather than worse.
One of the side effects of the Zaxine antibiotic I’ve been taking since Jan 13th is headache and dizziness so it could be caused by that. I did take my dose this morning but then decided to try stopping and see if things get better over the weekend.
I see the naturopath in follow up on Wednesday and the OB/Gyn for the first time on Thursday. And then I’m supposed to get a filling from the dentist on Friday....

Texted Andrew before going to bed:
“Listen. These headaches and everything else kinda freak me out. And I know it’s probably nothing and I’ll be fine but just so you know; if I have a stroke or something and end up in a coma or have significant brain damage and have to be cared for for the rest of my life...pull the plug, I don’t want to be a vegetable.
Also if I die I want to be cremated.”

Tuesday, Jan 22nd

Today and yesterday not so great. 

I still have the weird headache. The intensity rises and falls but the sensation around my temples, particularly my left temple, is always there. I can feel it in my forehead, my cheek bone, my nose, and sometimes behind my ear or at the back of my head. When it is really bad, I can feel it throbbing with the beat of my pulse, but mostly/usually it is like a tingly pressure sensation that sometimes makes me feel foggy, like I can’t think or focus quite clearly.

It feels like I have a head cold or a sinus headache but am not actually sick – I don’t have a sore throat or a stuffy nose or a cough or any other cold like symptoms except this month-long headache.

Really trying to talk myself out of the idea that I have a brain tumor. It’s just very unlikely and I think I’d have other symptoms if it was. It’s more probable that is has to do with my hormones or some sort of chemical imbalance like low iron or something like that.  

I had acupuncture last week on the 14^th and I felt like it helped, or at least didn’t make it worse. But then I had acupuncture again yesterday on the 21^st and my headache was noticeably worse and turned into a migraine. I felt a lot of pressure in my head an cheeks and over the course of the day took two excedrins and one tylenol with little relief. I felt nauseous after I got home and took a hot shower and had laid down in a dark room by 7pm, basically sleeping through until about 6:30am this morning. Migraine is gone but pressure headache on left side remains.

Period has also ended. It was late (began on Jan 17^th, the 33^rdday, when I usually have a 28-30 day cycle), and was very painful and quite heavy with a lot of clots for about 3 days and is now done after 5 days.  I had my ultrasound on Friday the 18^th on day 2 of my cycle and it was suuuuuper painful just to roll from side to side or have the wand pressing near my pelvis.

Andrew and I went for Japanese Village on Friday - and it didn’t sit well with me; I had a lot of cramping and diarrhea afterwards – but there was a woman there talking loudly enough for the entire table to hear about her medical issues and some were similar to mine. She had menstrual changes and abdominal issues and nausea and always felt unwell and had headaches and it turned out she had a tumour on her thyroid. I am confident I don’t have a tumour on my thyroid but I did have hypothyroidism come back on a blood test in 2016. It wasn’t super significant but I’ve never had it re-evaluated since then and maybe that’s playing a part in all this. I think I will ask the naturopath or the OB/Gyn if I can get my TSH, Free T4, and Ferritin levels checked out. I will have to pay if the naturopath requests it but I think he’s the most likely or most willing to do it. And I really don’t want to go back to my GP. Especially with the new symptom of headaches, I feel like he will think I’m a hypochondriac or making it up or am just looking for pills or something... which makes me feel like he doesn’t believe what is happening to me and therefore is unwilling to help me. I mean he’s never said as much, but he’s never really taken action of his own initiative. He’s referred or ordered tests when other specialist have advised him to or when my mum begged him too and otherwise he’s very much on the “ride it out” stand point.

I just want to feel normal again. I want to trust my body again. Or at least know what I’m dealing with and how to manage it. If I know I’m just going to have abdominal issues and chronic migraines for the rest of my life but that it’s definitely not a cancer or something that will rupture or something I will need acute medical treatment for, then I’d feel safer to make plans and go about my life.

We’re planning a family trip (my mum, my sister, and our families) to DisneyWorld in October and I’ve still promised Keida I would re-book our trip to Paris when I am well but I am just so scared to leave the city and the vicinity of a hospital, never mind leaving the country!

Right now, today (last week was fine), I’m finding it hard just to get through the work day. Like moving my eyes around from my screen to paperwork is difficult, and doesn’t help my headache. Thought about getting my eyes rechecked but I just had my 2yr check up at the end of September 2018, so I’d have to pay for another exam, maybe I’ll wait and see what the OB/Gyn says on the 31^st and go from there. If he’ll do an MRI that would definitely put my mind at ease but I’m preparing myself for him to say “doesn’t sound like a gyne issue” and no further follow up needed, which will be absolutely crushing.

I really just want to have a pity party and cry but I don’t think that helps anything. Google even tells me there’s such thing as depression headaches, which of course makes me feel like the cause of all of this is in my head; but it’s really hard not to feel down when you feel like you’re not participating in life like you normally do and are just going through the motions so you don’t lose your job or your house while meanwhile being really fearful that you have a significant but undiagnosed medical issue. Trying to keep focused on the fact that if there were something “really wrong” that something would have some up in one of the CT scans or in my bloodwork or ultrasounds or something.

Sunday, January 13th

I detest whatever this illness is. If it is one illness. This weekend I’ve felt great. So much like my former self before all this started. I felt clear and strong and energized. But I also don’t trust it at all. To think that less than a week ago I was crying my eyes out having to leave a shopping trip after an hour, or going home early from work only six days ago, it just astounds me how quickly it/I change. And how quickly I forget. When I’m feeling good I’m flying high. With no/minimal pain and no nausea and no severe or unusual headaches, I want to make commitments and long term plans and set goals. But I know that when I do have pain, and particularly nausea and headaches, all I want to do is stay safe at home and bail on everything. I’m afraid to drive because my head doesn’t feel clear, I’m afraid to go out with people because I feel like such a downer, I’m afraid to make plans for my kids in case I’m not feeling well enough to chauffeur them around. And I think that’s the worst part of it all. Not knowing when I will feel good and when I won’t. If I knew for 100% that I would have a week of good days starting on X date oh I would re-book that trip to Paris in a heartbeat. But I’m just so scared and unsure of what my health now looks like that I don’t even like to leave the city. 

Note:

Both blood CRP and fecal calprotectin came back normal

Abdo ultrasound this Friday

Acupuncture tomorrow (and every Monday morning)

Gyne visit on the 31st

Tuesday, January 8th

Jan 08

Today was a good day (relatively speaking).  

Woke up at 7:00. Felt a bit nausea and headachey when first waking but after getting out of bed not too bad. Took an oregano pill.  Ate applesauce and toast with cheese whiz. Nauseous enough that I sat down to eat it rather than walking around getting ready. Had a BM and collected for stool sample. My mum was driving the girls and me in to school and work and one kid was running a bit behind. I dropped my sample off at the lab before going to work (not covered, $110 fee). 

Went to work. Felt mildly nauseous on and off throughout the day but not much in the way of headaches so that was a huge relief. My head feels heavy or tingly. Random pressures especially around the temples primarily on the left side but nothing too distressing. 

Noticed more pain in pelvis; cramping in both sides noticed when going up stairs or sometimes when sitting; and pain on right side around ovary location especially when walking. 

Walked to Azuma and Ate a chicken teriyaki bento box for lunch. Did not eat the tomato or carrot or melon. 

Afternoon went by without issue. Tried to compile a list of tests I’ve had to take with me to the OB appt on the 31st. 

Was driven home by my mum at 4:30. Feeling a bit nauseous but also hungry. Ate leftover cavoletti pizza and sat on the couch all evening watching the kids play or playing on my phone. Mild sternum pain on and off. 

Ate some applesauce and took an oregano pill and Went to bed at 9:45. 

Most of the day my skin felt flush in the face. This has been the case since having acupuncture on Friday. 

Monday, January 7th

Jan 07

Woke up nauseous again. Left a bit later than I should have. There’s new people starting their first day today, and I’m a supervisor and should be there early to be ready for them, and at this rate I’m going to be late. But when I try to walk quickly I get abdominal pain and pulling pain in my groin, so I slow down. Thankfully the other supervisor has it under control, but still I feel irresponsible. 

Felt nauseous and ready all morning. An employee who has just returned today from medical leave for a hysterectomy and I had a long talk about symptoms and recovery and that was helpful. We both cried but in an empathetic, rather than sympathetic kind of way, which was nice. 

Went for a walk on my coffee break at 9:45. I feel foggy, the walk helped a bit - it was cold out and I didn’t walk far. 

Got through my to-do list ok but felt the pressure like headache growing and feeling uncomfortable and more nauseous and foggy so I took a generic excedrin. Had a BM and then It was noon before I knew it. Walked up to London Drugs and back, got sushi to go and ate it at the office (prawn tempura roll, California roll and avocado roll). 

At 1:00 I had pain in my groin muscles and under my right rib. By 1:45 it was lower, that sort of squeezing on my right flank. 

I decided to leave work early at 2:15 even though I was feeling better than the morning, I just wanted to rest. I walked home with pelvic/groin pain. I sat at home and watched a bit of tv. The pressure like headache started to grow again so I turned the tv off. 

I read a book, then played an hour of video games with the kids. 

I ate leftover cavoletti pizza at 4:30 and noticed the headache again around 5:30. 

For the majority of the rest of the evening I sat on the couch while one of my kids slept on me (it was the first day back to school after winter break). 

I got up and took one oregano pill and went to bed at 9:30*

*Around 9pm my sister messaged me asking how I was doing because I seemed quiet in our shopping trip yesterday. I vented as below:

“Thanks. I’m surprised mum didn’t tell you but I cried when I was leaving. Not in a lot of pain lately but it’s still there and usually manageable. But in the last week I’ve had daily nausea and weird headaches or migraine that make feel like kind of foggy and like I can’t quite concentrate. And it’s really got me down. Just like “what next” and “how can I still be having new symptoms?!” And like “when am I going to feel stable or normal enough to make plans and not have to also make a back up plan for if I have to bail”

So just feeling really sad and quick to cry in general the last few days which I hate, especially at work. And I hate feeling like maybe I’m missing something. Like when I’m not quite able to concentrate... am I doing my work properly?

So when I was at the mall initially I was feeling pretty good but when I walked to reitmans to meet you guys I just felt like kind of nauseous and dizzy or hot maybe? Like I needed to sit or lie down. And from then on it was just like holding it together trying not to ruin our girls shopping trip but I was so not into it. I cried with mum for a bit when we exchanged stuff at the car and then I went and cried in the grocery store parking lot. 

I just feel so not myself because it’s been so long since I’ve felt “well” that it’s really getting me down. And I just start to spiral “what if the nausea gets as bad as it did in October when I didn’t work for three weeks?” Or “what if these migraines are something worse like a brain aneurysm” or just super simple thing “should I be driving if I feel unwell?” “Should I even sign up for parent teacher interviews in case I can’t go?” I know I need to get out and get fresh air and try but I just want to lay in bed with kids all day because I feel like I come home from work and just lay on the couch and I’m missing being a mom too. “

Dec 25-Jan 06

I feel like I need to start journaling my symptoms again. I’ve been having a lot of ups and downs and I feel like it’s been more downs than ups since about Christmas Day, so going on two weeks....

Dec 25

I had a rough day on Dec 25th. I was anxious about travelling upisland and how I would feel and being around a lot of family for Christmas. Just generally a bit overwhelmed I guess. The morning went fine. Unwrapping gifts at home and going to my sisters for brunch. I had a mimosa and some sugar cookies and got a mild headache but thought not much of it, that would be pretty typical for me to have sweet food and get a headache. 

We went up to ladysmith and I got a bit of groin pulling and I just sort of broke down. I was tired of being sore and symptomatically unpredictable and really done with feeling so unwell especially on a day like Christmas surrounded by happy and healthy family. 

After dinner I had a lot of GI pain and cramping and it felt like I was going to ha e diarrhea (see previous post). Made it home to Victoria, took 3 sprays of CBD/THC and fell asleep with my ponytail in, my glasses still on, and my phone on my chest. 

Dec 26

The next day I felt considerably better, although I had significant pain in my left jaw joint, which I thought was from either clenching my teeth in my sleep or sleeping with my glasses on (maybe I laid on my left and the arm pushed into my head?). I wasn’t feeling 100% but much better emotionally than the day before. Mild headache all day because of the jaw pain. 

We went back upisland for dinner. I spent a large portion of the evening standing at the stove frying potato pancakes. This occupied my mind and standing helped my abdo/pelvic pain. All in all it was a good day. 

Dec 27

Was back at work after having six days off. Still had a mild headache that seemed to resolve itself by mid day without any pain meds. Had strong pain near the left side of my sternum after eating Lucky Charms cereal with cows milk. Lasted about an hour. 

Dec 28

Still had a bit of sternum pain while walking to work. Jaw pain still present and by afternoon felt like it was also within my left ear like an earache. My head feels mild pressure on temples. By the time I went to bed the headache was back as well. 

Dec 29

Woke up with a bit of nausea. Progressed to a mild headache on the right side and Pain came later on in my pelvis and in the right side of my groin. Familiar pulling pain on the right groin muscle but with a cramping sensation on both sides of the pelvis. Still went out for lunch (dim sum) with minimal pain in the afternoon. 

Dec 30 

My mums birthday. We went back upisland for dinner (beef dip). Most of the day had the usual mild pains on and off but by 5:00 the random pressure on head was starting to build. Ate dinner and had a bit of left sided chest pain immediately afterward. I am had moderate pelvic and abdominal pain before going to bed. 

Dec 31

New Year’s Eve. Went to work. Had pain in right groin and abdomen while walking to work. Same when walking to and from lunch. 

Took an Aleve after lunch. Subsequent pain on left side. I feel like the Aleve helps the pain a bit but makes me feel a bit stoned - or maybe that’s the weird pressure headaches I’ve been having since the jaw pain started? Jaw pain is gone, but headaches remain. They’re not painful, they just feel like pressure, particularly on the temple and behind the ears on both sides. Did not go for my afternoon coffee break because I was feeling a lot of pelvic pain on both sides and it was pouring rain. 

Took 2 sprays of CBD/THC immediately when I got home from work and rested on the couch. 

Had steak and lobster with veggie casserole and Yorkshire pudding for dinner. Had some mild abdominal pain after dinner. Ate a bit more dinner and a very small glass of white wine while playing monopoly with family. Smoked some weed before bed, trying to see if that would help the pain or help me relax. Had mild pain on the right side of my chest/diaphragm (higher than right flank pain) at midnight (stayed up late for New Years, then went immediately to bed). 

*My tincture ended at dinner dose on Dec 31st

Jan 01

Woke up late around 10am. Having a few cystic pimples (one on collarbone, been there a few days; one on right side of mouth; one on left jaw line). Ate banana chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast and smoked salmon for lunch. All day had mild abdominal and pelvic pains. For dinner had pulled pork tacos. 

Jan 02

Back to work. Started taking Florastor probiotic (2 pills twice a day). I have a mild headache despite getting a good nights sleep. Moderate pain in my pelvis and groin. 

Walked to life labs at 8:30 to get bloodwork done (CRP - results normal). Lab advises stool test is not covered ($115) and needs to be refrigerated and I should be taking any NSAIDs. Headache still present all morning.

Had a chicken burger for lunch with moderate abdominal pain afterwards.

Had leftovers for dinner with no pain. Took Florastor. Ate Lucky Charms with cow milk again at 7:30pm followed by abdominal pain and bloating. Used the heating pad for much of the evening and went to bed at 11:30 feeling flush with red skin, mild pressure headache and pain throughout my hips/groin/pelvis even when laying down which is unusual. 

Jan 03

Woke up with headache and nausea. Took Florastor and oregano pills. Was nauseous all morning. Had a green tea lemonade at 9:45 with some relief. Feeling very unwell and foggy like I can’t concentrate, very foggy. Along with the nausea and spontaneous feelings of pressure on my head, I’m feeling very anxious about why the nausea is returning and what these new headaches are caused by. Had sushi for lunch. Face feels flush. Still feel nauseous. Took an extra strength Tylenol at 4pm. Would have gone home early but daughter had an appointment downtown at 5:00pm; felt very out of it and sleepy at the appointment. I walked home with her at 6:00pm. Had groin/pelvic pain on the walk, so I took 2 sprays of CBD/THC and Florastor. Slept from 6:15-7:30. Ate rice with soy sauce and applesauce for dinner with two bites of pumpkin pie with whip cream. 

Went to bed at 9:30 with itchy skin and mild pelvic/groin pain. Laying in bed I had moderate but sharp abdominal pains. Took a while to fall asleep. 

Jan 04

Woke up slightly nauseous again. Took oregano pills and Florastor. Pretty mild morning until pressure headaches gave me dizzying brain fog again around 10:00. Tried another green tea lemonade and went for a long walk on my lunch break. 

Went for acupuncture at 2:00. First time back since Dec 17th. Felt good. Told her about the nausea and headaches and cystic acne. She gave me a food guide based on Chinese medicine (avoid cold foods, dairy, wheat, refined sugars, etc). I felt very tired and face felt flush afterwards. Took 2 sprays of CBD/THC when I got home from work. I had moderate pain on both sides of my groin and felt nauseous before dinner. I ate Noodle Box at 6:30p and had right flank squeezing pain at 9:45. Took Florastor and oregano pills before bed at 10:30. 

Jan 05

Up at 8:00 to take daughter to horseback riding. Took Florastor and oregano pills. Feeling very sad about the nausea/headaches/brain fog. Really don’t feel clear headed and I because I don’t know why I’m feeling this way, I don’t know how to feel better. Cried a bit on the drive to horseback riding. Daughter didn’t notice. Still having the pressure headaches along with pelvic pain and passing gas. Feeling really tired and sad. Came home and took a nap from 11:30-2:00. 

Ate a tune sandwich at 2:30. Had pelvic/groin pain on left side. Still have a pressure headache and brain fog. Took a generic excedrin at 5:00. Ate leftover pulled pork with rice for dinner at 7:30. Still nauseous after dinner but feeling emotionally better. 

By 9:30 I was still nauseous, headache has returned, and I have pelvic pain and right rib pain and right flank squeezing. None sever but all on top of each other is a bit overwhelming. 

Feeling flush by 10:00. 

Took Florastor and oregano pills before going to bed at 11:30. 

Jan 06

Woke up nauseous again at 8:30. Having pelvic cramps. Ate applesauce and rice milk. Took oregano pills and Florastor at 10:15 before leaving to meet mum and sister for shopping. Went to a couple stores within 20-30mins at the mall no issue. But while walking felt flush and dizzy and tired with pain in both hips/groin. Took it a lot slower from then on, clarity returned but not fully. Feeling very emotional because I feel like I’m not able to do simple things without having to bail or take a nap or feel sick. Still feeling nauseous and having the spontaneous pressure headaches. Left the mall around 11:30 and went to the grocery store on my way home. I sat in the grocery store parking lot for a long while and just held a little pity party for myself and cried my eyes out about all the things this illness - whatever it is - is making me feel and miss out on and feel like I’m failing at. 

Ate some smoked salmon at 1:30. Deboned two pork legs from groceries to go in the freezer. It was distracting enough. Took a shower at 5:00. I wondered if the new shampoo I bought recently (I think Dec 24) is the cause of my headaches (sometimes smells give me headaches, but I usually notice it, and hair smells would be pretty continuously around my nose - I used it at least twice) I used a different but similarly new and smelly shampoo to see if that helped anything. 

Ate homemade pizza dinner at 6:00. Took Florastor and oregano pills. 

By 8:00 headache is back, feels like the back of my head, above the nape of the neck on my right side feels tender as if I’d slept on a rock. Headache continued while I watched tv (which I don’t susually do with a headache). I took a Tylenol extra strength before going to bed at 9:30pm. 

Thursday, January 3rd

Woke up this morning feeling nauseous and had a headache. Got out of bed for work felt a bit better being up and moving about. Walking to work my right flank hurts and my groin muscles feel like they’re being pulled. Still feel slightly nauseous. Not feeling good emotionally. Still worried it might be something more sinister than endometriosis. Sad about how much this has changed my way of life and my thinking (being worried and cautious all the time and not wanting to stray too far from home; always thinking about the possibility of it being something like cancer that’s gone undiagnosed). 

All day was a roller coaster. I felt fine at times and really unwell at others and then I’d get upset about it. Waves of nausea. Pains were typical but consistent (abdo, flank, pelvis, groin). Odd intermittent/random pressure on both sides of head makes me very nervous. But made it through the day. Came home and had a short nap before going to bed at 9:30. 

Wednesday, January 2nd

I’ve been having weird headaches for maybe a week or so. Started with a pressure/squeeze feeling on my right temple, then also happened on my left a day or two later. Now I get sort of squeezing vice like pangs in different places but it comes and goes. This is different then my usual headaches which I could feel coming and would get better or worse depending on my actions (foods, screens, meds, etc). These ones are random and don’t stick around. A bit frightening. Wanted to note it down somewhere just in case I collapse or die from something like a brain aneurism. :/

Today and two days ago haven’t been great. Lots of abdo pangs and squeezing and pulling pains in my groin. Generally feeling fairly down as well. I wonder if it’s because I’ve gone two weeks without acupuncture (last gone Dec 17th, I go again on the 4th)?

Bought a book called “The doctor will see you now” and it is making me more convinced that I could have endometriosis. There’s a story in there very similar to mine where a 30 yr old woman with no previous symptoms and a couple kids had spontaneous pelvic pain that was diagnosed as a burst cyst and the pain never went away and a couple years later had a lap with an excision specialist and had endo throughout.... so maybe. But it also makes me scared because the best shot at removing endo is deep excision surgery - everything else seems to be temporary relief or lots of side effects or likely to exacerbate... sigh.

Also side note - having a few large pimples in different places. One on my collar bone, one on my jawline, a couple on my back... but they’re all full of fluid, not like a red raised bit with a white head...

Tuesday, December 25th (Christmas)

4:50pm. Not feeling super great. I haven’t kept a diary of the last few days because they’ve been largely uneventful. Apart from being constipated for three days and having a painful BM yesterday I’ve been largely pain and symptom free. 

But today, I woke up at 7:30 a bit nauseous. Got up at 8:15 and felt better moving about. We opened presents and got ready for the day. Had a BM around 9a with some pain and strain. Around 9:30 I got a wave of nausea as I was writing some last minute cards. So I ate a banana and a piece of toast with cheese whiz. That helped. We left for my sister house in shawnigan lake for brunch. Felt ok, just still hungry. 

Got there and had a piece of bacon, a piece of sausage, one waffle with butter and syrup, one mimosa (orange juice and Prosecco), and two whole wheat sugar cookies. Took my tincture and my oregano pills. Got a headache. Took an excedrin around 2pm and rested on the couch. Before then, we unwrapped presents and prepped and started cooking the turkey. 

At 3pm we started packing up to leave. While carrying the turkey, I had groin pain on my right side. It felt like a pulled muscle or gas moving. I tried to have a BM but nothing happened. Drove up to ladysmith, felt a bit foggy and a bit nauseous with the mild/moderate pain in pelvis, mostly in the right. 

Got to ladysmith around 4p, didn’t carry anything heavy, prepped the Brussels sprouts (cutting them) and felt a bit nauseous again. Finished getting the Brussels ready and then laid down for a bit. 

Feel generally unwell. Mild headache, mild nausea, mild pain, mild gas/constipation... nothing feeling great. Browsing my phone while laying here I see a promo for the Rifflandia music festival to buy early bird tickets for next year and my mind immediately goes to “if I can go / if I will be here” 😭

The endometriosis group on FB is still helpful for diet/med advice but also super scary talking about people who have had surgeries only to be in more pain afterwards. Feeling overwhelmed at the thought of the house being full of people and not being able to just lay down and feel ok about it. 

Felt a bit better before dinner. Dinner went ok. Ate turkey (dark meat), cranberry sauce, potatoes, gravy, stuffing, Brussels, corn. Felt no worse immediately after dinner so took it further and had my nanas raspberry cheesecake for dessert. Really feeling bad about 30mins after eating that. Very crampy. My abdomen feels like I’m about to have diarrhea. Tried having a BM, but it was very hard painful lumps that also caused a lot of bleeding (I think from a hemmroid) and then I was interrupted because there’s only one bathroom in the house. Intense, rhythmic cramping continued, so I figured it was time to go. Tried the bathroom once more before we left but no movement, just more blood from my rectum. Stopped at an outhouse in cobble hill on the way home. Again, no movement just blood. Rhythmic cramping continues. Having to breathe through them like contractions. Some gurgling sounds a bit now. Got home and had two separate painful BMs with bleeding then a diarrhea BM with no bleeding. Feeling fully evacuated now. 

Took three sprays of CBD and a zinc lozenge and had a hot bath. 

Watched an hour of tv, felt sick/hungry so I ate some popcorn and half a banana and was in bed by midnight. 

Wednesday, December 19th

Puked again at 11:30pm last night. So did two eldest daughters. Went back to bed and slept through until 7am. 

Woke off and in until getting out of bed at 9:30am. All school aged kids are staying home from school with the flu today. 

Drank some cold ginger tea (leftover from yesterday), took one oregano pill, and ate a slice of toast with vegan margarine and strawberry jam. 

I don’t feel nauseous but my stomach is very tight and sore. Feels like I have a rock sitting above my navel. Also feel like I need to have a BM but nothing happening. 

Left at 10:00, caught the bus up to the hospital for my UMAC appt at 10:45. Nothing much to say, I told her I made the appt when I felt my symptoms were more abdominal but since then have definitely been more pelvic/groin and I mainly kept the appt to check in on the ultrasound I haven’t had yet. She called booking on that and they said they were trying to fit me in ASAP but it still might be a couple weeks - shortage of technicians. 

Took the bus back downtown, tried to go to the lab but it was over 30mins wait and already 11:30, so I didn’t stay. Went to london drugs and got some tums, eno, zinc lozenges, and children’s Tylenol and went to work for the afternoon. I took one tums and one lozenge in the walk to work. I wasn’t sure if I was feeling up to it and was worried I wouldn’t last the day but I was definitely feeling better than yesterday so I thought I’d give it a go. Had a bit of a sour stomach but managed to each a slice of Hawaiian pizza (slowly, over the course of an hour) and get through my meetings. 

Went for a walk at 2:30, had some minor right flank squeezy pains. Ate a digestive cookie. The rest of the day went fine. Walked home at 4:30 without issue. Got home and had more pizza for dinner (three slices of bbq chicken over a couple hours). Mainly stayed on the couch, played video games with kids, watched a movie, etc. Around 5:30 or 6:00 I readjusted how I was sitting and it felt like my menstrual cup had moved out of place. Very uncomfortable internal feeling as if something was pressing on my bones and pinching nerves in the process. Lasted about 5-10 mins and then was gone. 

Stayed up after the kids went to bed wrapping presents for Christmas. 

Went to bed at midnight. 

Tuesday, December 18th

Woke up at 7:00, got up at 7:15. Feeling very crampy and a bit nauseous. My stomach is still feeling off (May be the mild flu passing through our house). Menstruated cycle in heavy flow. Dark red blood. Would call in and rest but have things to get done at work today. 

Had an urgent BM at 7:40 that was mainly formed followed by very soft stools. Was driven to work. Feeling very ill but not having any vomiting or bowel symptoms so powering through. Walked to coffee at 9:45, drank an almond milk chestnut praline latte. Very nauseous/foggy after (around 10:30) but keeping busy helps keep me distracted from it.  After dumping & reinserting menstrual cup I had a lot of internal pain as if it’s not in quite right. Readjusted with some relief. Ate a digestive cookie at 11:30. Walked a few blocks up to London drugs at noon, felt very nauseous the entire time. Lots of pain like a pulled muscle in right groin area. Got lunch at the Market on Yates (salad) but did not eat it. Left work at 1:45 super nauseous. Second kid home from school with the flu. Belching and hiccups on the walk home. Home by 2:00. Curled up on the couch for a bit, ate a piece of toast with cheese whiz, drank some water. Had a bath at 3:00. Getting out of the bath I dry heaved but did not vomit. At 3:45 had urgent diarrhea BM. Still feeling very nauseous. Sat back on couch with heating pad over pelvis. Fell in and out of sleep. Sometimes thought I needed to vomit but as  soon as I stood up it had passed. 

At 5:30 I vomited a lot. Took 15mL of Emetrol. Helped daughter who was also vomiting, then laid down on pull out couch. I’m certain I “just” have the flu but the return of abdominal pain and nausea after nearly two weeks of feeling relatively good has really thrown me back into a mild depression. I can’t believe how different I feel tonight compared to one week ago where I very nearly felt like my old self. I think I need to lay down and rest but laying here like an invalid is not helping my mental health. 

Think I need to go back to eliminating caffeine and dairy. 

Entire abdomen is feeling very tight and painful. Got up at 9:00, ate half a mandarin orange, had a shower, took another 15mL of emetrol and two sprays of CBD/THC and went to bed. Stomach very sore, I tried laying in left side but then left groin feels like a pulled muscle and hurts to extend like that. But if I’m curled up my stomach pain is worse. 

Took tomorrow morning off and am supposed to see the UMAC Dr again tomorrow at 10:45. I guess we’ll See how im doing afterwards but I kinda need to be at work during the afternoon so fingers crossed.