Thursday, October 25th

Slept ok, but woke up feeling quite nauseous. Had some pains but not severe. Got up and went to the bathroom, had some liquids and laid down on our pull out bed.
I called emerg about my Ultrasound results around 9:45am. They advised me the results would have been sent to my family doctor and to follow up there. I called my GP's office about the U/S results. Receptionist reminded me that my GP doesn't work Wednesdays so while the results had been received, my GP hadn't yet had a chance to review them and that he would call if there was anything off on the scan. I never heard back. 
Took two Advil at 10am; continued the day alternating Tylenol and Advil. I had some twitching of the upper lip which was new and unusual. 
We were supposed to be going to Ucluelet today for three nights, but I wasn't sure if I'd be up to it. The kids stayed home from school and I rested on the pull out while my husband slept off his night shift. Around 1pm I was feeling... manageable... not great, but not really sick enough to cancel our trip, and I figure I could take all the Advil and Tylenol with us and just rest in the log cabin we had booked on the beach. And that we could turn back if I felt worse en route. So we packed up and left in a hurry. 
Between 2p-8p we drove from Victoria to Ucluelet. I felt OK, similar to driving around the weekend before (Oct 20/21) until we were halfway through. In Nanaimo, we stopped for a pee break and to get the kids some food at McDonalds. I hadn't eaten much and didn't really feel like eating anything anyways. I started to feel pretty awful with lots of pain in RUQ spreading straight across my middle and down toward back; but I figured to keep going was closer to a bed than to go back. Andrew was trying to make small talk to distract me. He was asking what I wanted to do for my birthday on the 30th and I welled up and said "nothing" but in my head all I could think was "if I even make it to my birthday..." We stopped in Port Alberni to get groceries for our stay, I stayed in the car and leaned my seat all the way back which was a relief to my pains. I was exhausted. From Port Alberni all the way to Ucluelet I had no nausea but a lot of pain (seemingly from sitting so long) that I was having to breathe through and really talk myself through trying to relax and focus on the rest ahead. Once we finally got to our destination at 8pm, it felt immensely better to get out of the car and have my body straightened. We unloaded all of our stuff, I had a shower, ate half of someone's uneaten McDonald's cheeseburger and a bit of Gatorade, took a T3 at 8:30p and went to bed. But I couldn’t sleep. I felt nauseous and uncomfortable. If I turned one way, I felt sick, if I turned the other, I hurt, when I closed my eyes, I felt like the room was spinning and all I could think about was what is going on inside of me?! I wrote a note* on my phone about all the things going on inside my head when I felt this way. It rained hard on the metal roof that night and between the noise, the nausea, and the pains, I didn’t get much sleep at all. What sleep I did get, was propped up with several pillows with my feet on the bed and my knees bent. 
No BM. 

Complaints: really naueous, tired, pain in RUQ under ribs, central pain between ribs
Food: minimal, nauseous and loss of appetite
Meds: Advil and Tylenol, back to back in the afternoon; one T3
BMs:
Other:


*note:
Every night I cry myself to sleep. I don’t know what is happening inside me. I feel like either I’m crazy and there’s nothing really wrong and it’s all in my head... or... something is very very wrong and the drs can’t find it. I keep thinking something is going to burst or twist inside me and I wouldn’t be close enough to help, and that would be it, I would die. 
And my husband is the best husband and father in the world. There is no one else I would rather leave my kids with. But I still don’t wanna miss it. I don’t wanna miss them. I want to see them grow up. I don’t want him to be alone. And as amazing as he is, I don’t want them to not have a mom. I don’t want them to miss me. I can’t help thinking even though I’m still here, that because I am in pain so often and I’m so tired that I’m already missing stuff. I was not very mentally present for Keidas birthday. It took everything I had to get us to Ucluelet and I hope it ends up being worth it and we get home ok. I hope I don’t put a damper on wren’s birthday. I hope I can go out trick or treating with them on Halloween. I hope I can still take Keida to Paris and get home ok. I hope I am ok for Christmas. I hope this all passes and goes away and I can go back to my normal self. 
I don’t want to miss them being them and getting to hold them and seeing them grow up. 
And how do I tell them all this without scaring them?