Tuesday, November 27th

Woke up at 6:30. As I begin to wake up I become more and more nauseous. As I had taken this morning off until after my appt I tossed around a bit and dry heaved in bed but eventually fell back asleep until getting up at 9:30. 

Went to my GP appt for 10:45. Not super helpful. I said I wanted more tests like an endoscopy or a colonoscopy. He says I've had scans (the CT and the gallbladder ultrasound in October) and the only other thing that may be useful would be the endoscopy so he will refer me to a gastroenterologist but that “may take some time” to get in. And so I’ll have to wait. Based on my crying and describing how I’m feeling about all this waiting and not knowing what's going on, he was concerned I was having situational depression, and I don't know, maybe, I am very quick to cry and sort of spiral down this "I'll never feel better" tunnel. So he’s prescribed me 30 days of Luvox antidepressants. On the one hand, I don’t want to take antidepressants, and on the other, I am feeling very depressed and am a bit afraid not to take them. I'm also concerned that some of the side effects are things I'm already experiencing like nausea, headaches, lightheadedness, stomach pains, which I don't want to make worse...

I think I will wait until Saturday night if I decide to take it since I shouldn’t be nauseous for work on Thursday nor for horseback riding on Saturday morning. 

I’m hopeful that the naturopath appt on Thursday will give me some answers and not just a completely normal panel result. 

And I see the acupuncturist again on Monday. 

But other than that, it’s just a waiting game to see the GIM on Dec 19 and the OB Jan 31 and the Gastro whenever that call may come... it all feels like forever. 

I left the GP's office and filled the prescription, bought some Icy Hot pads and Gas-X pills and then cried in the car for a while. 

On the drive home I cried but also tried to visualize my depression and get a hold on it, went between crying about being depressed to crying at the thought of a lot of what I'm feeling possibly being mental. 

I told my mum, sister, friends, and husband what happened at the GPs and got a lot of support and indignation at how long I've felt so awful with not a lot of investigation in the last month. 

I got home, set my stuff down and ate a digestive cookie 
(first food of the day) then walked to work for the afternoon. I feel sort of emotionally tired but physically I don't feel too bad. I feel an ache in my upper and lower right side, and I still get pangs of pain sort of everywhere in my abdomen including down into my rectum and vagina but it is very manageable this afternoon. I made it through the afternoon, ate a banana and another digestive cookie at 1:00, drank lots of water. 

One coworker suggested I try the private clinic in Vancouver, and I'm starting to think the cost would be worth it, but I'm not quite there yet. I think the Naturopath could request an MRI that I would then have to pay for (probably $1,000+) so I'd rather wait to see how Thursday goes first...

I had to direct a meeting at 2:00 and disclosed I was having unknown medical issues in the process of apologizing for canceling meetings in the past month or two and broke down crying in front of my team.

I drank water for the rest of the afternoon, felt a bit nauseous around 3:00, and walked home at 4:15.

Generally feeling pretty good. Made the kids Kraft dinner and re-heated the chicken and dumplings for myself, which has given me diarrhea the last couple times I ate it, but I think it's probably better than the Kraft dinner. 

Worked on the computer for a bit then ate the chicken & dumplings and drank ginger tea at 7:00.

Sat and watched tv with the heating pad until 9:00. Put on some progesterone cream and went to bed at 9:15. 
No BM