I detest whatever this illness is. If it is one illness. This weekend I’ve felt great. So much like my former self before all this started. I felt clear and strong and energized. But I also don’t trust it at all. To think that less than a week ago I was crying my eyes out having to leave a shopping trip after an hour, or going home early from work only six days ago, it just astounds me how quickly it/I change. And how quickly I forget. When I’m feeling good I’m flying high. With no/minimal pain and no nausea and no severe or unusual headaches, I want to make commitments and long term plans and set goals. But I know that when I do have pain, and particularly nausea and headaches, all I want to do is stay safe at home and bail on everything. I’m afraid to drive because my head doesn’t feel clear, I’m afraid to go out with people because I feel like such a downer, I’m afraid to make plans for my kids in case I’m not feeling well enough to chauffeur them around. And I think that’s the worst part of it all. Not knowing when I will feel good and when I won’t. If I knew for 100% that I would have a week of good days starting on X date oh I would re-book that trip to Paris in a heartbeat. But I’m just so scared and unsure of what my health now looks like that I don’t even like to leave the city.
Note:
Both blood CRP and fecal calprotectin came back normal
Abdo ultrasound this Friday
Acupuncture tomorrow (and every Monday morning)
Gyne visit on the 31st
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