Monday, January 7th

Jan 07

Woke up nauseous again. Left a bit later than I should have. There’s new people starting their first day today, and I’m a supervisor and should be there early to be ready for them, and at this rate I’m going to be late. But when I try to walk quickly I get abdominal pain and pulling pain in my groin, so I slow down. Thankfully the other supervisor has it under control, but still I feel irresponsible. 

Felt nauseous and ready all morning. An employee who has just returned today from medical leave for a hysterectomy and I had a long talk about symptoms and recovery and that was helpful. We both cried but in an empathetic, rather than sympathetic kind of way, which was nice. 

Went for a walk on my coffee break at 9:45. I feel foggy, the walk helped a bit - it was cold out and I didn’t walk far. 

Got through my to-do list ok but felt the pressure like headache growing and feeling uncomfortable and more nauseous and foggy so I took a generic excedrin. Had a BM and then It was noon before I knew it. Walked up to London Drugs and back, got sushi to go and ate it at the office (prawn tempura roll, California roll and avocado roll). 

At 1:00 I had pain in my groin muscles and under my right rib. By 1:45 it was lower, that sort of squeezing on my right flank. 

I decided to leave work early at 2:15 even though I was feeling better than the morning, I just wanted to rest. I walked home with pelvic/groin pain. I sat at home and watched a bit of tv. The pressure like headache started to grow again so I turned the tv off. 

I read a book, then played an hour of video games with the kids. 

I ate leftover cavoletti pizza at 4:30 and noticed the headache again around 5:30. 

For the majority of the rest of the evening I sat on the couch while one of my kids slept on me (it was the first day back to school after winter break). 

I got up and took one oregano pill and went to bed at 9:30*

*Around 9pm my sister messaged me asking how I was doing because I seemed quiet in our shopping trip yesterday. I vented as below:

“Thanks. I’m surprised mum didn’t tell you but I cried when I was leaving. Not in a lot of pain lately but it’s still there and usually manageable. But in the last week I’ve had daily nausea and weird headaches or migraine that make feel like kind of foggy and like I can’t quite concentrate. And it’s really got me down. Just like “what next” and “how can I still be having new symptoms?!” And like “when am I going to feel stable or normal enough to make plans and not have to also make a back up plan for if I have to bail”

So just feeling really sad and quick to cry in general the last few days which I hate, especially at work. And I hate feeling like maybe I’m missing something. Like when I’m not quite able to concentrate... am I doing my work properly?

So when I was at the mall initially I was feeling pretty good but when I walked to reitmans to meet you guys I just felt like kind of nauseous and dizzy or hot maybe? Like I needed to sit or lie down. And from then on it was just like holding it together trying not to ruin our girls shopping trip but I was so not into it. I cried with mum for a bit when we exchanged stuff at the car and then I went and cried in the grocery store parking lot. 

I just feel so not myself because it’s been so long since I’ve felt “well” that it’s really getting me down. And I just start to spiral “what if the nausea gets as bad as it did in October when I didn’t work for three weeks?” Or “what if these migraines are something worse like a brain aneurysm” or just super simple thing “should I be driving if I feel unwell?” “Should I even sign up for parent teacher interviews in case I can’t go?” I know I need to get out and get fresh air and try but I just want to lay in bed with kids all day because I feel like I come home from work and just lay on the couch and I’m missing being a mom too. “